Thursday, May 9, 2013

Doing the impossible...

NOTE: This clip has been modified by the blogger who posted it for emphasis.I chose to use this one because it gives more background and context, just in case you have not seen the movie. The original movie clip is here. 

For about two weeks, my mind has been fixated on the movie clip above.  Actually it’s not so much the movie clip but the concept behind it. The original, “six impossible things” quote comes from the book, Alice in Wonderland by Lewis Carrol. The original quote (listed below) is taken from a conversation between Alice and the Queen of Hearts. Their conversation centers on the idea that what Alice has come to Wonderland to do (slay the Jabberwocky) is impossible in Alice’s eyes. The queen jokingly and a bit sarcastically teases her by saying that she herself has sometimes believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast. 

“Alice laughed. 'There's no use trying,' she said. 'One can't believe impossible things.'

I daresay you haven't had much practice,' said the Queen. 'When I was your age, I always did it for half-an-hour a day. Why, sometimes I've believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast.”

-Lewis Carrol.

As you can see, the movie makes the conversation between Alice and herself while she is on the battlefield about to face off with the evil Jabberwocky. Although the director’s portrayal is a deviation from the original context of the book, the way he chose to depict this particular this moment has been the central focus of my thoughts lately. I love it because just as Alice is about to face yet another impossible thing, she is able to recount all the other impossible things she has already done. She is knocked down a few times, but she keeps her mind focused on how she has already done the impossible, time and time again. It’s as if she understands that this time should be no different. 

Lately I feel a lot like Alice. I feel like I am being faced with the impossible on a daily basis as I seek to make a life for myself as a writer/spiritual counselor. Most days I literally have no idea what I am doing. I often feel overwhelmed by all the decisions I am supposed to make, coupled with the people I need to meet, and all the places I need to be.  The stress is only compounded by the fact that a large part of this business is well… business. It’s the business of marketing, the business of sales, and the business of networking.  But to be quite honest, I have never really had any interest in any of those things. My interest has always been truth seeking and truth sharing. More specifically, I have chiefly been interested in finding new ways to heal myself from the years of self destructive thoughts and feelings I have hoarded and inflicted on my mind and body. Once I found even the smallest way to do that, I wrote a book about my experiences to an attempt to heal others. I thought that would be enough, but lately it feels like it isn't….and that’s where the doubt creeps in.

After watching this clip, I realize that my Jabberwocky isn't really marketing or sales, it’s really worthiness.  Lack of worthiness has been a central theme in my life for a long time and some days it feels like I will never feel good enough or capable enough to have what I want. Like Alice, however, I don’t think I will ever stop trying. So as I am standing in the face of my own fear and unworthiness for the umpteenth time in my life, I decided to do a little redirection. I decided to list six impossible things that I have already accomplished in my life. Enjoy.

  1. An addict of 16 years can get clean- I started huffing when I was 12 and literally have no memory of how I managed stress before that time. Since I can’t remember life before huffing, there was a time when I couldn't imagine life after it.  In November of 2011, I quit huffing, thereby doing the impossible.

  2. A hypoglycemic [1] can run a half-marathon-Two years ago, I was so out of shape that I developed hypoglycemia. I was so tired and weak at times that I couldn't even stand at work.  On March 17, 2012, I was healthy enough to run 13.1 miles. I did the impossible.

  3. Past cheaters can get engaged- After I broke up with my ex-girlfriend in the winter of 2007, I was sure that I would never find another woman who would love and accept me for me. I thought I would be alone forever. On December 14, 2012. I got engaged. I did the impossible.

   4. I  can write and publish a book- I let my book sit in a white binder for over five years, too afraid to share it with the world. I applied for two publishing contracts and lost, before I decided to take matters into my own hands and self-publish my book. Within eight months, I finished the book secured a published and started selling my book.  I didn't think I had the patience, the money, or the discipline to do it. On March 2, 2013, I did the impossible.

  5. An Aviatophobic[2] can board an airplane without fear- In my book; I talk about how afraid I have been to fly for the last six years. Yet, I have recently been on two flights (within two months of each other) where I boarded the plane and sat through the entire flight with dry eyes and a calm spirit. I never thought I would be able to fly without being terrified again. In March and May of 2013, I did the impossible.

If the possible has already been done, why should this be any different? Today, I choose to believe it’s not. I can slay my Jabberwocky (and so can you).

   6.  A person with a lifetime of worthiness issues can learn to love herself unconditionally and walk fully in her purpose….I can do the impossible.

What are your six impossible things?

[1] Hypoglycemia is characterized by abnormally low blood sugar. Some say that it is a precursor to diabetes. Symptoms include heart palpitations, shakiness, anxiety and sweating. Excessive alcohol consumption is one of the causes.
 [2] Aviaphobia is the fear of flying

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