Long time no blog, I know. I hope you will forgive me about that. But a few months ago, I made a commitment not to speak unless I felt like I had something both valuable and necessary to say. My “Buddhist Bible” or the Eightfold Path calls this “RIGHT SPEECH,” but initially, I didn’t do it for spiritual reasons. I became interested in limiting my speech after I noticed how much I had come to enjoy gossiping. I really hate to hear people talk about other people and I have always thought it was such an ugly thing to do. Not only is it unfair (because the person you are talking about is not there to defend themselves) but it some ways it also seems small and cowardly.
But what is most disturbing about gossiping and negative speech in general, is that fact that it’s an obvious distraction…from the self. Think about it, we talk about what we think about. So if the only thing you have to discuss is someone else, you are not focused on the events of your own life. The larger issue usually has something to do with an underlying personal problem like depression or fear, but oftentimes we are so buried in our problems and lost in our head, we don't realize that.
As we all know, like energy attracts like energy. You attract not only the situations that are in alignment with how you feel, but also people and conversations. So, since we talk about what we think, examining our conversations is an easy to way to tell how you are feeling on the inside. Let's explore them together...
The first question is WHO: Who are you talking to?
- As uncomfortable as it is to admit, most of us group our friends into categories. We have our work friends, our party friends, our needy friends, our childhood friends, and our messy/gossipy friends. Or you may be like me, I don’t have friends that I place in categories like the aforementioned, but I do have certain friends that I talk to about certain things. I call friend A to talk about career stuff; friend B to talk about my relationship and friend C to talk about friends A and B lol. Some may say, “I never call people to talk about other people.” And to that, I say…congratulations. This post may not be for you. But for the rest of us, let’s admit that there are people in our lives who we know are gossips. We know as soon as we see them coming what the conversation is going to be about. Now, if you can’t think of anyone offhand, take a moment and do a quick inventory of your friends and recall the last few conversations you had with them. Still can’t think of anyone….well then it's probably you! lol Anyway, who you are talking to is a huge indicator as to how you are feeling. If you have somehow come into alignment with your gossip friend…you may be vibrating on a low level.
The next question starts with HOW: How were you feeling before you came in contact with the person you are talking to?
- Take a moment to ascertain how you are feeling both in the moment and right before your current conversation. The “right before” piece is important because chances are if you are in a depressed state you may not be aware of it in the moment…but you may be able to think about how you had been feeling earlier that day. Ask yourself did you have a good day or a bad day before you attracted the person you are interacting with (especially if it’s your gossip friend). Think about what your thoughts were throughout the day. If you were feeling bad, you may have attracted a negative conversation.
The last question is easy…WHAT: What are you talking about?
- Are you talking about ideas and plans OR are you talking about people and events? You will notice that the first set of topics are action oriented. As such, they come from “high vibration thinking.” They are action oriented because they involve thinking about new things in new ways. There is life and creativity in our original ideas and plans. The second set of topics are dead, “low vibration” topics. They have already happen and there is no life involved. Talking about people in a negative way is a tell-tell sign that you may be in need an energy adjustment.
The lesson in all this is just as simple as the questions. The better you feel the more likely you are to engage in healthy activities and conversation. However, when you aren't feeling your best, you are more likely to attract negative conversation. So the next time you think you are just having fun, “pouring tea” with your favorite homegirl…ask yourself these 3 questions and figure out what is really going on...with YOU!