Saturday, September 24, 2011

Relapse....I'm baaaccck!

*First thanks to all of you that took my survey. The results are a big part of my proposal, which is due October 6th!!!! ahhhhh!!!!*

I thought moving was one of the most stressful life changes someone could make. Well, try moving 2 apartments, starting a new job and finalizing a book proposal all at the same time.  This has been my life for the past two weeks. So I hope you all will forgive me for not being as present as I have been previously. I love you guys…but I just didn’t have anything to give.  *Deep Breath* But now that I am here, I have a tiny confession. I had a bit of a relapse. Not with the huffing. But with EVERYTHING else. About 3 weeks ago, at the onset of the move, I started eating bad again. Well, maybe not bad…but I just ate whatever the hell I wanted. Sushi, Chinese food, Caesar Salad, sandwiches…you name it. I ate it. Not to mention Panera Bread has this Flower Cookie… (Its 350 calories). I ate one every day for like a week. But that’s not the worst of it. The worst of it came last Monday…when for the first time in almost two months…I did not go to my workout…I haven’t gone all week.  No running, no Zumba, no writing, no meditating….just sloshing through life everyday….eating crap and gaining weight. I am so disappointed in myself. I try to be mindful that moving and setting up a house is a lot of work. I mean, we have had to do everything from get an alarm system installed to build a new closet. And it still isn’t over. As I write this, my half wife is unpacking boxes.

Addiction is a tricky little bugger, because it does this thing called transference. What that means is as you give up your main addiction you oftentimes find something else to replace it. Stress triggers my desire to escape and before now, I would just sniff something to make myself feel better. Buuut since I can’t do that now, something had to take its place. At first, I was replacing the huffing with alcohol, but while I was fasting from alcohol that wasn’t an option either. (F**K)! My next and final resort was/is food.  Sometimes it seems like this struggle is never ending. So much to do and think about and monitor all the time. Eat the right stuff, excercise enough, pray enough, work enough. It all seems really hard to balance, especially when there is so much going on. But ya’ll know me; I am all about giving life a focus. I realized that I had been taking a lot for granted in my life before all this chaos started popping up. Stuff like a washing machine and knowing where my underwear is. Being in my new space has also made me even more great.full for all my half wife and I have been able to build for ourselves. For example, even though things are still kind of slow at my new job, I’m in the financial position to take care of my wants and needs. Also, my babe and I were able to take the next 4 days off work, just to reconnect to each other and to clean our space. All this with no worries. However, when I eat crap and mistreat my body it’s like a slap in the face to the universe that has afforded me all that I have. And we can’t have that soooo….. we are about to change it.


In the metaphysics community we believe that the best way to bring what you want into your life is gratitude. Saying thank you. So here is what we are going to do. November 17 is the day that Hay House will announce that I won (naming it and claiming it lol) the contest. I had been planning to do some type of spiritual exercise in the 30 days that preceded that announcement but I was shocked when I realized that 30 days before the announcement is October 17…the 17 year anniversary of my mom’s death. I know that I owe my mom so much for making me the woman I am-- good and bad. She gave me my creativity and my spiritual focus, but she also gave me my predisposition toward addictive behavior (she was smoker until death).

I realized that I left you guys out of my, “30 days no club no liquor” fast- so this time it’s a WE thing. On October 17, WE will start our #30daythankyou. For 30 days straight, we will all post on our Facebook pages, twitter pages, personal websites, blogs, or whatever other social media site we have a personalized THANKYOU to a specific person. Please post at least once a day and use the full name of the person you want to thank. If the person has a Facebook page, tag them. (Please also tag me “Kenya Jackson” or “My Quarterlife”) If it’s not a person, just list the place or group of people by name. It’s so important that people know how we feel about them while they are alive.

I was so moved by the national outcry for Troy Davis this past week. The outcome was tragic, but to see the cross racial, cross cultural support was mind-blowing. I think we can do the same thing with this. Let’s rally behind something positive. Please make sure you use the hashtag #30daythankyou. I want this thing to be viral. Big,and Bright….just like my fireworks! I will post more information about this in the next few days but I just wanted you to all to be the first to know. Oh and I read your surveys. I will be making some much needed additions to the site, based on your feedback.
Now back to unpacking.

I miss you…so post ya comments

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