Go Big Girl, What you Gone Do?

First, I want to thank everyone for the comments, retweets and support from my last post. Its good to know that I have allies in my sobriety. I think some of you may even be joining me in spirit as I do this (which is awesome by the way). Oh and I should also tell you that my halfwife helped me make my blog a .com. You can still get to it from the blogspot....buuut now you can also type in this address, www.myquarterlifespace.com. #POW.

This week my focus is AUTHENTICITY. I am working on being more open and honest with other people.  In keeping with that, let’s talk about this treadmill situation.

Yesterday, my size 14 jean shorts didn’t fit. And even though it was just me and my mirror, I was embarrassed for myself. I hurried them off, folded them up and tucked them beneath some other clothes in my basket. I guess I thought hiding them would make the truth a lil less…true (and big lol). I resolved that I would go get on the treadmill later that day. I waited till the last minute (as I commonly do, when I don't want to do something). I had an appointment at 7pm, sooo I waited till about 6.15pm. Don’t judge me ya’ll...it felt impossible.



I squeezed into my sports bra (that cut off my circulation) and the work out shorts that crept up so high I had to keep digging them out of my "you know what"-and made my way to the "Fitness Center." When I walked into the room every skinny, washboard abed, resident that lived in my complex was in an all out sprint on the treadmill-not even freaking sweating. BLAHHHHHHHH!

It felt like everyone was looking at me, but I kept my wits turned on some "Ace Hood-Hustle Hard"and climbed onto the dreadmill.  I only had about 20 minutes so I decided to do a series of sprints. What I do is run fast for 2 minutes and then walk fast for a minute. With each interval the sprints get faster. So for example, if my walk is at 3.5 I would start my sprints at 4.0 for 2 minutes, then walk at 3.5. My next sprint would be 4.2 and so on. At the end of 20 minutes I was at about 5.2.  I hesitate to share this because I know many of you run at like 6.0 with ease. I, on other hand, was having what felt like an asthma attack at 5.2! I mean, I was panting, sweating, doubled over and clinging to the bars of the treadmill. I'm sure I was the subject of plenty of tweets and laughs yesterday lol.  After 20 minutes, my legs felt like jelly and my shorts had rolled up so far, I had a spandex camel toe. I was tired and sweaty and exhausted.  But on my way back to my apartment, I felt a smile creep across my face. Wait.  What was this eerily familiar feeling? Was it…dare I say it…PRIDE! Yes, I was proud of myself. Sure, I had only run for 20 minutes but the day before and the one before that and the 3 months before that, I hadn’t run at all.  Heaven knows it would have  been much easier to lie on my couch and watch TV or get lost in Facebook or Twitter or some other electronic distraction. But I didn’t. I put myself first and dragged these thick thighs for 20 whole minutes.

One of my most loyal readers commented on my last post, noting how important it is to remember our own personal worth, because when we forget our worth it’s easy to devalue ourselves and do things that do not support our goals. She couldn’t be more right about this and while I plan to devote a whole post to this topic next week, today I want to use it to pose a hypothetical question to all of you. What's it worth to you? Now “it” can be anything. "It" can be a promotion at work, repairing a relationship with a friend, finally completing a task, or proving to yourself that you can overcome something you never thought you could. In any case, whatever "it" is, "it "will require you to take some action. If "it’s" worth it you will…and if it ain’t well maybe you won’t  You see,  on the other side of every negative activity is its positive fraternal twin. So built into what we say is what we don’t say, make sense?  When we resolve to watch TV, eat shit and gossip we are simultaneously deciding not to work out, eat healthy or say something positive. This is not only a statement of values but a statement of worth. We spend our time and energy on the things that are important to us…so pay attention to the types of things you have decided are worth it and which aren’t. I am willing to be a little embarrassed and uncomfortable for a short time, it if means I can look sexy 10 pounds from now.

In keeping with my love of words and prayers and affirmations, I have included this passage below. Its an oldie but goodie. Don’t know who wrote it, but shout out to them wherever they are.

Watch your thoughts: They become your words.
Watch your words: They become your actions.
Watch your actions: They become your habits.
Watch your habits: They become your character.
Watch your character: It becomes your destiny

What's worth "it" to you?