Friday, January 20, 2012

HMT Week 8: Authenticity

My sexy new Pedometer
that calculates pace, miles, and calories. (11 min, 10 sec mile)
I haven't written about my half marathon experience since December 15, ( not because I am not running it anymore),  but because I am not training for it the way I need to be.  Up until December 15 (which was week 5) I was running 4 times a week, and doing the mileage I was supposed to do on each day. But since then, that hasn't been the case. It started with Christmas and New Year's. I went home for Christmas and didn't run for 5 days. When I returned I had gained 2 pounds and added 2 full minutes to my mile speed.  Obviously, it took some time for me to bounce back...about 2 weeks in total. Luckily, I did. And 2 weeks ago, I was able to complete the longest run I have ever done...seven miles.  I look at that number now and I am impressed, but I can't ignore the fact that I was more ashamed of the two weeks prior to that when I only ran once or twice a week.  In fact, I was so ashamed that I didn't want to face all of you and tell you the truth...so I didn't. I just didn't say anything as if the HALF MARATHON TRAINEE tab on my blog just didn't exist!  Yep, that was smart.  It wasn't until I had a conversation with my mentor today that I realized how unfair I was being...to my readers and to myself.

In general a lot of us are in the business of posing.  You know, trying to convince other people we are stronger, wealthier, smarter, happier,  or have a better job than we really do. We think if we lie or withhold enough information it will somehow make our situation better. I guess deep down we know it won't,  but we figure at least it feels good when other people think we are amazing.  The only issue with that is our little cheerleaders don't live in our heads and there is no way to escape your true feelings about something simply because you can fool other people. Plus,  more often than not, the whole lying, withholding, and ignoring thing only makes you feel worse. There's is a certain shame involved in trying to hide a break up or forgetting to mention that you lost your job.  Which is more,  your honesty can be liberating for other people.  Since we all like the idea that we are not alone in the world and that other people have the same struggles that we do, being more genuine can actually draw more people in than it repels.
For some reason, though, we have gotten away from honesty being the best policy and instead we see the truth of who we are as a liability; something we want to hide for fear of being  judged or having our vulnerability used against us. It's sad. But more than that...it's lonely. Who wants to live in a world where they constantly have to hide from everybody else? Its an emotional prison. 
Before I got off the phone when my mentor he remarked that he likes talking to me because having a judgment free conversation feels like freedom. I agree with him and feel like fear of judgment is the reason a lot of us are not as authentic as we want to be, especially those of us who are in the personal development industry.  As such, I can definitely understand why some people aren't as honest about who they are (and who they aren't) as they should be. It takes a lot of courage to be "real" in a world of posers and false prophets. But I  guess, at its core, the call to live an authentic life IS a question of courage.

So, are you brave enough to be FORTHcoming about your SHORTcomings?  
Me and my chubby legs.
On to the weigh in:
Weight: 176.2 (up 2 lbs)
Waist: 26.5 (up 1.5 inches)
Bust: 35.5 (same)
Hips: 45 (down 1 inch)
Thighs: 23 (down 2 inches)
Timed mile, treadmill:12 (same)
Timed mile, street: 12.5*
*above you will see that my pedometer says 11 mins and 10 seconds mile, that was when I was speed training and only ran 1 mile. When I run, my average is 3 miles, and 12.5 minutes per mile is my more consistent pace*

Moral of the story: When you eat bad and don't run you gain weight. But at least my hips and thighs are getting a little smaller.

LONG RUN SUNDAY is 8 miles!!!!!

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