Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Hate on me, Hater???

I had a wonderful day yesterday. A day filled with good ole fashioned adult fun. Bright sun, warm spirits, loving friendships and women so beautiful they made me blush. All day the memory of yesterday has been running through my mind, making me smile and shake my head. I actually wore a two-piece. #POW
Now, its 8:44pm on an inconspicuous Tuesday night. I’ve got rice simmering in the oh so convenient rice-cooker, Miquel’s “Sure Thing” seducing my eardrums through my iPOD earpiece, and I can smell the homemade shrimp scampi wafting in the air. The tv is off. My phone-lost for the moment. Out the corner of my eye, I can see boo thing affectionately known as my “half-wife”(we reject the conventional term of fiancĂ©; yet embrace the need to commit publically, what can we say life really IS what you make it), anyhoo she is also on her computer... typing away.  She’s applying for jobs, I presume. I both support and chuckle at her attempt; support- because I understand the necessity, chuckle- because I understand the futility of trying to capture excellence and intelligence in the space and limitations of a resume.  But hey, “mama need a house, baby need some shoes…,” so shout out to her for getting her hustle on.
My point is, at this moment, this is my life. Its times like this that I realize the true “power of now.” Our lives are made up of moments like these. Smells like these. Feelings like these. Moments when all that threatens us is outside our door, our senses, and therefore our reality.  Because is truth, if you can’t perceive something, it’s not real. Moments like these, seem simple and small when compared with the moment you lost your job. Or the moment you favorite aunt died. Or the moment you realized the love of your life wasn’t coming or had already come and gone. Yet, they matter. In my opinion they matter more than those I just mentioned. To me, those were just inconveniences…they are not my life.
Its interesting to me how much energy people give to the negativity in their life. How much time we spend talking about the things and people that have nothing but bad and worse to offer us. For some people, the thought that someone hates them, envies them, and wants something that they have is the most comforting thought they can have. It’s a weird obsession. My thought is if they want it so bad and you got so much, give it to ‘em. Novel idea I know, but all we ever do is circulate energy. Money passes from my hand to yours; spotlights from one star to the next. Trends that are hot now, won’t be next week. Next week it will time for someone else to get their 15 minutes. Everybody was a nobody…until they weren’t. And beyond that, even nobodys are somebody to somebody. You know?
So, why you mad?? Lol. Seriously. For months, I have been wanting to do a post about “Angry Black women” but I’m not in the space to channel the energy to write that piece right now. Maybe one day soon, after a long day of work? I imagine that after a good eight hours of waiting tables, I’ll have no issue channeling the angry black women in me. But today, I’m more Stacey Dash on Clueless than NeNe Leakes on RHOA. I’m feeling a little too rich, beautiful, and stylish to be angry.
They say when you turn 30, things change. They say you don’t take as much shit as you used to, and even though I’m not 30 yet, I can feel the shift coming. My life is good. I have good people in my life who love and support me. No one hates me, at least not that I know of. And I pray they never do. It is not my goal to achieve success on the back of someone else. When I see someone else, shining, I congratulate them. Because it gives me hope not a reason to envy them. The only parts of me that will even allow me to bear ill will for another are the parts of me that need more work…that need more love.
The other day, I tweeted that “You have no haters. You hate yourself and that is why you perceive yourself to be hate-able” I regretted it as soon as I sent it, because in honesty it was sent in frustration. I meant what I said, but I know there was a better way to say it. So here is me ..saying it better lol.
I don’t know. I don’t have the answers.  All I know is Oprah, Ghandi, Dr. Wayne Dyer, Iyanla Vazant, the Buddha, didn’t get where they are in life because someone hated them. All that they achieved was a result of the love and faith entrusted to them by devoted admirers. Love is how your message outlives you and anyone who ever knew you. According to Christians Jesus has been dead for over 2,000 years, Buddha even longer. But their message is alive in the millions of people who live their lives in homage to them. Their lives were/are a benediction.
I know that I have all this love in my life not only because I willed it so, but because I deserve it and so do you. No one deserves to be hated, when all we want to be is loved. No need for the tired defense mechanism and false pride fueled by (many times) alcohol and frustration. The universe and your future success requires that you abandon the trivial idea that other people are out to get you and embrace that all that is for you is coming to you, just as fast as you are moving toward it. The only thing is, one has to be in the habit of receiving before one can take advantage of it. Which means that those who fill their days with gossip instead of gratitude will always have someone or something to talk about, while the rest of us will always have something to be thankful for...
…in the meantime, THIS is my life. The one that smells like home-cooked meals, feels like good music, sounds like my friends laugher and feels like my half-wife’s kisses.
What does this moment in your life feel like?

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