WATCH then READ.
The progression was as follows….
In elementary school, she was the 4th cutest
Initially, “KAYE” wasn’t even mad that Ms. Remarkable left her because in her heart of hearts she had learned many years ago that she was not good enough to be anyone’s first choice (even though someone already had chosen her). Being second, third, fourth was all she could expect. She shoved her feelings deep beneath her exterior and kept rummaging through strip clubs and bars collecting “beautiful things”. 3 years passed and all “KAYE” had to show for “hobby” was free admission to every club in the city and a drinking problem. Her self-esteem was still fractured and there had been no one since Ms. Remarkable that was willing to take on the responsibility of “KAYE” and her “dark-skinned….nappy head” issues. Of course, “KAYE” was good enough to be the best friend with benefits, the chick you called after the club. The chick you trusted with your deep dark secrets…but the main chick? The wifey? The one you introduced to the family? Absolutely not.
That was until the summer of 2009 when “KAYE” came upon a young lady who turned out to be more emotionally compromised than she was. The young lady, in truth, was beautiful but after years of being abused and passed over because of her weight she had no clue how beautiful she was. She was mean…angry, resentful and incredibly volatile. She hid her insecurity under the guise of being a diva..constantly belittling and insulting everyone around her. As a result, their relationship was just as ugly as they both felt. Fighting, cursing, both trying to hate each other as much as they both hated themselves. It was then that “KAYE” realized that at the root of her experience was her belief system. Just like everything else in the universe…what you believe you manifest.
20 years ago, “KAYE” had made the choice to believe that she wasn’t pretty and therefore didn’t deserve to be loved, respected, cherished, honored or chosen. As a result that last 20 years of her life and the subsequent relationships only reinforced what she already believed about herself. How could she expect anyone to see beauty in her, if she was unable to see beauty in herself? Beyond that who said she couldn’t be all things she had always been told she was and STILL be beautiful. Couldn’t she be smart and beautiful? Sweet and Beautiful? Thoughtful and Beautiful. Natural and Beautiful?. DARK Skinned AND Beautiful??
Was she really willing to accept that there was only ONE type of beauty? Only the kind conceived in the mind of an 8 year old boy??? Living in a cold dark city…hoping to turn away from anything even remotely cold or dark??? (THINK ABOUT IT).
Which is more, was she comfortable believing that because she didn’t possess this type of beauty she as was not worthy of love and commitment? Did she want to grow old trying to extract her self esteem from women she had only casual relationships with? Didn’t she deserve more?
She realized that the whole “you’re not pretty, you’re not worth it thing” was an agreement that she had made many years ago….and as long she agreed to keep this belief her life could continue to reflect it. She sought out to change her beliefs…to see herself that way GOD saw her... perfect in all her in imperfections…
I tell this story about my close friend “KAYE” because it’s a constant reminder of the damage we do to ourselves with our thoughts and beliefs. Perhaps you don’t have dark skinned nappy head issues like “KAYE”, maybe you were the fat girl, the skinny girl, the only average student, the one with the lisp, or who stuttered. Maybe you were the one who was never noticed for your mind, because people were so busy telling you how pretty you were. Who knows what you’re struggle is or IF you even have one. Maybe it was the abusive relationship, or the overbearing parents who were always ever so careful to point out every flaw you had. The point is all of us have a “friend” like “KAYE”, it’s the part of us that tells us we can’t… the voice of negativity that keeps us from running without fear towards our dreams. She’s that little voice that makes you take off that new skirt that you bought just for tonight…but “KAYE” tells you look fat in it. She’s the doubt that creeps up in your stomach when you decide you need to walk away from Mr. or Ms. Not-so Remarkable because they don’t you treat you right. “KAYE” tells you that this may be the best you can get…and that you should be thankful that SOMEBODY wants you with your lisp, bowlegs, flat feet, hairy ears or whatever flaw you think or have been told makes you less than the next person . “KAYE” is why you stay in bad relationships, unfulfilling work situations, and dead-end friendships. She is why you overeat, why you drink you too much, or gossip about people. She is childhood negativity all grown up---living and breathing AS YOU!