Anyhoo, I guess I shouldn’t say mean things about my job because one of my guests inspired this post. Let me explain. So I’m at work minding my own damn business…moving real fast up and down the stairs in the 90 degree heat. When this lady,( a daily regular and I do mean daily), stops me and asks me why I don’t like her. I’m like a deer in headlights because I would prefer not to have this conversation with her. In fact, I’d prefer not to have any conversation with my guests that doesn’t include, “What can I do for you” and “Thank You.” This (I gather) is what’s bothering her. I decide to entertain her “concerns” and allow her to express herself. She says that because I never smile at her it makes her feel uncomfortable and that she wants to know why, I am so…cordial (you know nice…but not personal).
She asks me out for a drink.
I tell her that I don’t drink or go out right now. She says she will wait. She really wants to get to know me she says. Then she hugs me….like wraps her arms around me and holds me for about 17 seconds (and yes I counted). During our “forced fellowship” she tells me that she is going to make me like her. Inside, I laugh that she thinks she has any control over my thoughts and feelings. In the meantime, I try to hold my body and my mind still for the duration of this. Honestly, I just want it to be over. After all, I am at work. People are waiting on me and I am about 20 “thanks you’s” away from the amount of money I need for the night. She doesn’t notice me being still and I try not to notice that she is still touching me... until she says it….she says…”Why won’t you open up to me?” This took the cake…open up to you? Are you fucking kidding me? Do I know you….? For the life of me, I couldn’t understand what she wanted from me…like seriously??
When I got home and had the chance to speak to my bubbly giggle box of a half-wife, she didn't hesitate to remind me that a lot of people feel that way about me. People think I am mean and distant because I am not a “smiler “ or because I have a dry sense of humor. She says she thinks people love me once they get to know me…but they just don’t know what I am thinking in the meantime. What the people don't realize (I think) is that more often than not my own thoughts take up so much space in my head, I don't even realize that I am not smiling. Which is more, I care about people’s feelings and feel it's best to keep some things to myself because I don't want to hurt anyone or say anything harmful. Buuuttttt….. in the spirit of all this curiosity, maybe it's time to let everyone in on what I am thinking. So, here is goes...enter the mind of introvert.
